My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
