Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
