If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
