you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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