i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
