Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
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I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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