porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
