So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
