I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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