Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
