This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after