We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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