im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I will pee on everything he values.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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