Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
