You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
