I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
