she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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