His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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