It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
