Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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