dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
