can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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