wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My vagina just recognized that song.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
