my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
