i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
