you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
