I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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