i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
