two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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