dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
