i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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