Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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