Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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