So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
