Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize