I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
