our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
