Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
