Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
