I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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