I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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