she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
