i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
