i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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