"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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