You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
