You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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