So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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