omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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