she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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