Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
