You can't motorboat a personality
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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