I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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