Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
