you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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