Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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