Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
