Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
