i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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