Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
