i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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