MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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